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diff --git a/discord/bots/uwufier/assets/json/pun.json b/discord/bots/uwufier/assets/json/pun.json new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d0f7a89 --- /dev/null +++ b/discord/bots/uwufier/assets/json/pun.json @@ -0,0 +1,237 @@ +[ + "What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.", + "I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It's a little fishy.", + "Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.", + "Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!", + "I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.", + "What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.", + "How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.", + "I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.", + "Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.", + "I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.", + "My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don't think it's feline well.", + "Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.", + "How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.", + "What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.", + "Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.", + "There's a new type of broom out, it's sweeping the nation.", + "What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.", + "What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.", + "Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.", + "Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.", + "How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.", + "The shovel was a ground breaking invention.", + "A scarecrow says, \"This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans.\"", + "A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, \"Make me one with everything.\"", + "Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.", + "What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.", + "I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.", + "What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.", + "I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.", + "Towels can't tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.", + "Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says \"Do you smell fish?\"", + "Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it's pretty handy.", + "What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.", + "Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.", + "What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.", + "What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.", + "What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.", + "A cross eyed teacher couldn't control his pupils.", + "After the accident, the juggler didn't have the balls to do it.", + "I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.", + "To write with a broken pencil is pointless.", + "I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn't put it down.", + "I couldn't remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.", + "What should you do if you are cold? Stand in the corner. It's 90 degrees.", + "How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.", + "The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.", + "What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.", + "What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.", + "The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.", + "Sausage puns are the wurst.", + "What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.", + "Why shouldn't you trust atoms? They make up everything.", + "What's it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.", + "Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it's too cheesy.", + "What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.", + "Why can't you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.", + "Why didn't the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.", + "What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.", + "What's it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.", + "What's america's favorite soda? Mini soda.", + "Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.", + "What kind of car does a sheep drive? Their SuBAHHru.", + "What do you call a french pig? Porque.", + "What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.", + "Why don't vampires go to barbecues? They don't like steak.", + "How do trees access the internet? They log on.", + "Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.", + "Is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it.", + "The future,the present and the past walked into a bar.Things got a little tense.", + "I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.", + "I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.", + "I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.", + "Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.", + "I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.", + "Read enough of our funny puns, and you'll be punstoppable.", + "Yesterday a clown held the door for me. It was a nice jester.", + "I used to go fishing with Skrillex but he kept dropping the bass.", + "The wedding was so emotional even the cake was in tiers.", + "What does a house wear? A dress.", + "Why can't bicycles stand up on their own? Since they are 2 tired.", + "I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They've been keeping me off the streets for years.", + "Imagine if alarm clocks hit you back in the morning.It would be truly alarming.", + "Why is a skeleton a bad liar? You can see right through it.", + "What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help? Lemonaid.", + "A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.", + "What does a dog say when he sits down on a piece of sandpaper? Ruff!", + "What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee.", + "At my boxing club there is only one punch bag. I hate waiting for the punch line!", + "An untalented gymast walks into a bar.", + "Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.", + "I was accused of being a plagiarist, their word not mine.", + "My friends say they don't like skeleton puns. I should put more backbone into them.", + "Let me FILL you in on my trip to the dentist.", + "Why does the singer of Cheap Thrills not want us to Sia?", + "Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.", + "Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.", + "The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner,there were strings attached.", + "Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.", + "My new diet consists of aircraft, its a bit plane.", + "Have you ever tried to milk a cow which has been cut in half? Udder madness.", + "Why are there fences on graveyards? Because people are dying to get in.", + "Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.", + "Models of dragons are not to scale.", + "Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.", + "Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.", + "Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers.", + "A persistent banker wouldn't stop hitting on me so I asked him to leave me a loan.", + "I ordered a book of puns last week, but i didn't get it.", + "People say i look better without glasses but i just can't see it.", + "Don't judge a meal by the look of the first course. It's very souperficial.", + "I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.", + "I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.", + "What do you call a young musician? A minor.", + "Police were called to a daycare yesterday, where a 2-year-old was resisting a rest.", + "If artists wear sketchers do linguists wear converse?", + "I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.", + "Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.", + "I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz- sight.", + "I flipped a coin over an issue the other day, it was quite the toss-up.", + "I got hit in the head with a can of soda? Luckily it was a soft drink.", + "I heard that the post office was a male dominated industry.", + "Why isn't suntanning an Olympic sport? Because the best you can ever get is bronze.", + "What do you mean June is over? Julying.", + "Why is Kylo Ren so angry? Beause he's always Ben Solo.", + "These reversing cameras are great. Since I got one I haven't looked back.", + "The candle quit his job because he felt burned out.", + "Our maintenance guy lost his legs on the job, now he's just a handyman.", + "Going to bed with music on gave him sound sleep.", + "A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!", + "I met some aliens from outer space. They were pretty down to earth.", + "The plane flight brought my acrophobia to new heights.", + "My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.", + "I, for one, like Roman numerals.", + "How do mountains see? They peak.", + "The show was called Spongebob Squarepants but everyone knows the star was Patrick.", + "This is not alcohol, water you thinking?!", + "Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas.", + "I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.", + "The earth's rotation really makes my day.", + "If I buy a bigger bed will I have more or less bedroom?", + "Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.", + "Two ropes were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-frayed.", + "What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.", + "I got a master's degree in being ignored; no one seems to care.", + "After eating the ship, the sea monster said, I can't believe I ate the hull thing.", + "Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.", + "A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.", + "I had a pun about insanity but then I lost it.", + "He couldn't work out how to fix the washing machine so he threw in the towel.", + "Why does the man want to buy nine rackets? Cause tennis too many.", + "Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.", + "If I got paid in lots of Pennes I would make loads of pasta.", + "I thought I saw a spider on my laptop, but my friend said it was just a bug.", + "A doctor broke his leg while auditioning for a play.Luckily he still made the cast.", + "The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.", + "Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.", + "If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?", + "I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.", + "Simba, you're falling behind. I must ask you to Mufasa.", + "I bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle.", + "The bomb didn't want to go off. So it refused.", + "The sore mummy needed a Cairo-practor", + "I feel sorry for shopping carts. They're always getting pushed around.", + "The display of still-life art was not at all moving!", + "On Halloween October is nearly Octover.", + "Pig puns are so boaring.", + "Why couldn't the dead car drive into the cluttered garage? Lack of vroom.", + "What do you call Samsung's security guards? Guardians of the Galaxy.", + "What does Superman have in his drink? Just ice.", + "How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.", + "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.", + "The safe was invented by a cop and a robber. It was quite a combination.", + "What do you do when balloons are hurt? You helium.", + "One hat says to the other, \"You stay here, I'll go on a head.\"", + "How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.", + "When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.", + "When the scientist wanted to clone a deer, he bought a doe it yourself kit.", + "If people ask how many puns I made in Germany I reply, \"nein\"", + "Did you hear about the invention of the white board? It was remarkable.", + "If Donald Trump becomes president, America is going toupee.", + "Can February March? No, but April May.", + "I hate Russian Dolls, they are so full of themselves.", + "What do you do to an open wardrobe? You closet.", + "The magazine about ceiling fans went out of business due to low circulation.", + "So what if I don't know what apocalypse means? It's not the end of the world!", + "Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.", + "A backwards poem writes inverse.", + "Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.", + "I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow. But he was Nicholas.", + "The soundtrack for Blackfish was orcastrated.", + "Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.", + "There's a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.", + "I used to work at a hairdresser but i just wasn't cut out for it.", + "Why is metal and a microwave a match made in heaven? When they met, sparks flew.", + "The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.", + "Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!", + "When the church relocated it had an organ transplant.", + "Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.", + "The scarecrow get promoted because he was outstanding in his field.", + "Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.", + "I never understood odorless chemicals, they never make scents.", + "What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.", + "Why was dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.", + "When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.", + "Old skiers never die. They just go down hill.", + "Did you hear about the pun that was actually funny? Neither have we.", + "You know why I like egg puns? They crack me up!", + "Want to hear a pun about ghosts? That's the spirit!", + "I used to make clown shoes… which was no small feat.", + "Did you hear about the human cannonball? Too bad he got fired!", + "What happened when the magician got mad? She pulled her hare out!", + "Did you hear about the circus that caught on fire? It was in tents.", + "The one day of the week that eggs are definitely afraid of is Fry-day.", + "A hen will always leave her house through the proper eggs-it.", + "The man who ate too many eggs was considered to be an egg-oholic.", + "All the hens consider the chef to be very mean because he beats the eggs.", + "Eskimos keep all of their chilled eggs inside of the egg-loo.", + "Under the doctor's advice, the hen is laying off eggs for a few weeks.", + "I had a real problem making a hard-boiled egg this morning until I cracked it.", + "The best time of day to eat eggs is at the crack of dawn.", + "The chicken coop only had 2 doors since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.", + "Crossing a cement mixer and a chicken will result in you getting a brick layer.", + "That reckless little egg always seems to egg-celerate when he sees the light turn yellow.", + "Hopefully this egg pun doesn't make your brain too fried or scrambled.", + "Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together. It's hard for them to stay in sink.", + "People using umbrellas always seem to be under the weather.", + "I dissected an iris today. It was an eye-opening experience.", + "What was Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1.", + "What planet is like a circus? Saturn, it has three rings!", + "Before my father died he worked in a circus as a stilt walker. I used to look up to him.", + "Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a well-balanced meal!", + "I really look up to my tall friends.", + "I hate negative numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them.", + "Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.", + "It takes guts to make a sausage." +]
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